I touched the blazing red End button on my touch screen, and
a part of me went out into the wilder darkness spreading out, amidst a dazzle
of street lights. I stepped into the
terrace, wishing a second pair of feet, walking just there besides me, a little
to the back. Looking after me.
The clock was ticking, the wind blew on its own, the stars
positioned peacefully, the moon was ready to crown the sky, cradled by the
clouds. I stood with heart beats racing , feet numb on the stone cold floor.
The chill of December creeping through my ears, fingers, hurting my eyes a bit.
I had told him how much he meant to me. I had told him how
much I loved him. I had also told him how big a mistake I felt it was.
There was silence on the phone line for those paddles of time,
which weighed my words across space to him. I had thought of a speech, of
emotions, of feelings, of vulnerability. But there were just a few words out of
his mouth, that erased the creases of detail, and brought out the word of heart
within me.
“Just calm down, I am listening.”
How rested I felt, how the weight just vanished.
I spoke the word of love, followed by the word of negation,
that crushed us both. “ Mistake”.
I spoke of love, and lost my heart. I spoke of love to him,
who meant the most to me at that moment of time. That moment , which will
sparkle throughout my life, amidst the other grey’s.
The moment ,I sent away the love of my life, for a lifetime.
He would leave for a war across the border, within the next
few days, as we would part ways. Life called us the other ways. It was time to
turn a back to each other, and face emptiness of a presence.
Had we not turned around right now, our whole lives we would
be pulled away from each other, looking into the pain in the other’s eyes, the
pain of parting. Pain, that I could never give him, after tonight though.
So I turned around, with a lie, that saved us both the stare
of Truth, that both of us had chosen ourselves, sometime earlier maybe, the goals of our lives .
Here I stand on the stone cold floor, amidst the shattered
pieces of me, that would never mould into me again.
All I wish is for him to have found his love for me, before
his love for the tricolor.
All I wish is for me to have found nothing but a love for this
person, who lives within my eyes.
Eyes awake to him all the time, whether open or closed.
I am still standing there, right where we parted ways,
I am staring at the floor, that bid you farewell, when I
could’nt,
I am standing under one such dark cold night,
I am standing alone, awaiting the sunrise.
